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Philosophy of Mojo (Part 1)

8/1/2011

1 Comment

 
From the Writing of Alcibiades J. Grunthaler:

There are those who believe that there is an unlimited amount of mojo in the universe and  therefore mojo depletion is of no concern. They could not be further from the  truth.

When the Fontalis Plentitudo of Universal Mojo (FPUM) created the  current reality in which we are so blessed to inhibit, he shed his own mojo  reserves so that all who are able may partake of it. But the great Fontalis is  by no means infinite in mojosity, and therefore the sum total of all mojo in the  universe is of limited quantity.

Mojo can be measured in human beings  according to the Mojo Indicator Scale (MIS), created by the illustrious  philosopher, Rocco Capamezzo, who himself was bursting at the seams with  mojosity. The scale ranks mojo levels from 1 (total mojo depletion) to 10 (an  incarnation of the FPUM). The average male has a mojo level of approximately  3.2. Here's how certain luminaries throughout history rank on the Mojo Indicator  Scale:

George Patton (warrior) - 9.9
Pablo Picasso (artist) -  9.4
Jim Morrison (aka, Mr. Mojo Risin) - 9.3
Don Hazlitt (artist) -  9.2
Theodore Roosevelt - 8.7
Bernie Sanders (politician) - 8.6
Snookie  (personality) - 8.4
Hillary Clinton (politician) - 8.2
Sara Silverman  (commedian) -7.4
Barak Obama (politician) - 2.1
Rush Limbaugh  (entertainer) - 1.3

Now, although mojo is limited in human beings, this  in no way means that mojo is static. It can be increased or diminished based on several factors, the most important of which is the other people with who we  choose to interact. There are those individuals who can be called mojo enhancers  (ME*), since interaction with such individuals almost always lead to an increase  in mojo levels. Mojo enhancers are rare, and, when you find one, make him or her  your dearest friend immediately. Such individuals can often be found in divey  bars, drinking cheep beer during happy hour and chatting with an assortment of  colorful low-lifes.

Mojo depleters (MD*), on the other hand, are fairly  common. They sap your vital energy, leaving you in such a constant state of  enervation and psychic enervation that true creativity becomes impossible. The  petty bureaucrat, the sterile administrator, the shriveled up has-been, and the  shrill know-it-all are all almost always mojo depleters. Stay far away from  them, shun them like the plague...for they will be your destruction!

Alcibides J.  Gruntaler. On the Philosophy of Mojo. 2 Vols.
1 Comment
Christine
11/5/2012 08:48:33 am

It seems that according to this, the mojo enhancers are the television personalities, the drunks, and in most cases the "losers" of society. The Mojo depleters are the thinkers, the independent people. To say that Snookie of all people has mojo?! Absolutely ridiculous. Naturally the warrior, George Patton, has the most mojo according to you. Is it because he is the movie definition of a "man?"

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